Chakotay could barely contain his joy. He had finally convinced Janeway to take shore leave on Horvath. The planet was nothing like earth, but its shear beauty was breathtaking. After his initial foray to the planet to negotiate for supplies, it was obvious to him that it was a planet that should be included in any guide to the Delta Quadrant; not to be missed in Chakotay’s opinion. He had been very adamant that Janeway should take this opportunity to “stop and smell the roses.”  Janeway was so often caught up in the minutiae of running the ship, she was definitely a hands-on captain. Chakotay assumed she micromanaged as a result of coming up through the ranks as a science officer. She still enjoyed getting her hands dirty on occasion. It might be satisfying to Janeway on some level, but it also afforded her very little free time.

As he approached her quarters, he could not control the grin that kept threatening to reveal his delight at the prospect of spending an entire afternoon with Kathryn. It was so difficult to get her to do anything that seemed superfluous to running the ship. Even her attendance at the “impromptu” gatherings with the crew was orchestrated, attended as a duty, rather than for entertainment.

Chakotay planned an itinerary that he hoped was both comprehensive and relaxing. He knew just what areas of the planet Janeway would find irresistible, perhaps even romantic. A hope for an intimate moment was never far from his thoughts, although he had all but given up on that aspect of their relationship a long time ago. He had resigned himself to the reality of the situation. He knew Janeway was so focused on getting the crew and ship home, she barely had time for herself. Setting aside time for another person was definitely not on her agenda, she had made that abundantly clear on numerous occasions. A pleasant afternoon in a beautiful setting with a friend was about all she was willing or able to give.

Chakotay, always the romantic optimist, never really gave up on the possibility of a relationship between them. He was more than happy she had set aside this time for him and herself.

The undercurrent of attraction between them kept his hope alive, honing his sensitivity to her. At odd moments he would catch her observing him, looking away and blushing as he would catch her staring at him. He knew she cared for him, wanted him, was quite possibly in love with him, even though she would not admit it, even to herself. As a man who is loved by the woman he adores, Chakotay found her irresistible. As a Starfleet Commander, he found the entire situation downright exasperating. It was so hard to not act on these feelings day after day. Like an addiction, it got easier to manage one day at a time. But, just like any addiction, it was always lurking just under the surface, needing very little stimulus to bring the feelings he masked surging to the surface.

Finally arriving at her quarters, he buzzed the door. She admitted him >from the bedroom console. She was not ready. She had been down in engineering, “getting her hands dirty,” and was breathlessly trying to dress before the Commander arrived.

Chakotay entered her quarters. He could hear her moving around in the bedroom.

“I’ll be out in a minute, Commander,” she said. Chakotay heard her breathing heavily and knew she probably was working somewhere deep in the bowels of the ship when she realized she was late for their “date.” It made him smile to think of her running through the corridors of the ship, just so he would not know she had forgotten him.

Janeway appeared in the doorway of her bedroom. She looked wonderful, a little disheveled, but Chakotay rather liked the look. It reminded him of how she looked on New Earth when she had just awakened and had not had time to comb her hair, sleep still softening her features in the early morning light. Chakotay derided himself. “Don’t even allow your thoughts to go there, old man.”

Janeway was dressed in a crisp little white shirt and khaki shorts, socks and low hiking boots. Chakotay could not keep from looking at her legs. Janeway followed his gaze downward. “Do you think I’m dressed inappropriately?” she said, still breathing rapidly.

Chakotay shook himself. “No! No, you’re fine... you’re fine... perfect” he added, not thinking clearly. Her legs looked great, he had forgotten just what nice gams she had.

“Well,” she said quickly, “I guess we had better get going, then.”

Chakotay ushered her out of her quarters, gushing uncontrollably as they walked through the corridors on the way to the transporter room about the highpoints of planet and the arrangements he had made. Chakotay’s enthusiasm was contagious. Janeway was quickly becoming animated, looking forward to the day Chakotay had obviously planned with such care and attention to detail.

Janeway was laughing, teasing him about the plans he had made as they walked through the doors of the transporter room.

“Chakotay, you’re such a romantic.” she taunted... “you’ve obviously picked out the most exotic locales on the planet. Do I detect a master plan here?” she added, teasing.

Chakotay merely looked at her and smiled. “The plan, my dear captain, is to enjoy the planet and some free time. There is no hidden agenda here.”

You know, just because I’m in love with you doesn’t mean I am able to be seduced just because the setting is perfect.”

Chakotay was speechless. His eyes grew wide. Had he just heard what he thought he had heard? He looked at the transporter officer who was grinning >from ear to ear. “Kathryn!” he said, suddenly serious.

“What? Oh God,” Janeway moaned as she realized she had said the last sentence out loud. In the lighthearted banter, it had just slipped out, as if it was natural for the two of them to bait each other... the sexual innuendo sliding easily into their conversation in an unguarded moment.

Turning on her heal, Janeway walked quickly out of the transporter room, leaving a stunned Starfleet Commander standing dumbly, trying to come up with a rational explanation for what had just happened.

His first reaction was disappointment that the day he had planned had just evaporated. His next thought was soul shattering. “she loves me!” Of course, on some level he knew it, had always known it... but to hear it confirmed, voiced by his beloved, he was definitely in shock.

He looked again at the transporter chief. Her smile faded as she realized just what had occurred. Regardless of any preconceptions she might have harbored concerning the relationship between her commanding officers... the admission the Captain had just blurted out was a surprise to the Commander. She could see the poor man was obviously in shock. He seemed rooted to the floor where he stood, unable to communicate to his numbed body to move, or speak, or even breath. She saw him start to turn an engaging shade of crimson and finally draw in a breath. He turned as abruptly as the Captain had and fled the room.

Chakotay walked down the corridor in a daze. He had no idea what to do now. Pretending it hadn’t happened was not an option. It would be all over the ship like an uncontrollable plasma fire. How would Kathryn react to that? That thought actually frightened him. He was not even really aware where he was going. He suddenly stopped, got his bearings and  returned to the transporter room. Abruptly giving the coordinates for his beemdown to Horvath to the transporter operator, he stormed on to the platform and growled...”Energize!” Once on the surface, looking at the two suns setting and the three moons slowly becoming brighter, he took a long, deep, calming breath, drawing in the beauty of the planet. He was unbelievably apprehensive with the thought of what the future held for him. At least this time the embarrassing incident was not his fault.

Suddenly he was not so sanguine about that thought. He knew he had the grace and desire to rectify any blunder so obviously embarrassing as Janeway’s unintended admission. He did not however, have even a glimmer of a notion as to how Janeway would react upon their next encounter.

Janeway had fled back to her quarters. She expected Chakotay to come storming after her, gloating, saying he knew she loved him and was just waiting for the poor little timid captain to finally face her true feelings. She waited just inside the door, expecting him to try to force his way in to confront her for all the times she had denied him, spurned him, and, yes, she admitted, hurt him deeply. She waited for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality, according to the chronometer, only 15 minutes had passed. She moved to the sofa and flopped face down. She had been so happy. She had finally decided to have a good time, with the person she most wanted to be with in a wonderful setting. She had looked forward to their time together. She had devoted precious little time to Kathryn. Now she knew just what that kind of letting go could lead to... if she had gone to the surface with Chakotay in her present state of mind, she was almost certain she would be kissing him right now. That thought caused her stomach to lurch. “Oh! gods!” she thought, “I have it really bad.”

“Oh, dear God, Chakotay.” She had just turned and left him standing there as if the entire incident was his fault. “What must he think?” she groaned. “Where could he possibly have gone? What was he doing now?” She suddenly had an overwhelming urge to know where he was, to talk to him, to apologize for blurting something so obviously personal and shocking in front of a member of the crew. “Oh gods, the crew,” she thought... “this will be all over the ship. How am I going to even leave my quarters.” she asked herself with trepidation. The situation was impossible. After several moments of indecision, she finally got up enough nerve to ask the computer the commander’s location.

“Commander Chakotay is not presently on Voyager,” the computer droned.

“Not on Voyager?” Janeway said aloud.

“Please restate the request.”

“Oh, shut up!” Janeway said, exasperated.

“Please restate the request,” the computer repeated.

Janeway felt bereft. She needed her first officer on the ship to run interference between herself and the crew. There was an obvious problem with that being a solution to her current dilemma.

Chakotay returned from the planet. He had hoped that he would feel refreshed, reinvigorated after the shore leave he had planned with the captain. Now he found himself nervous, unsettled, restive. He knew he would get little sleep, knowing Kathryn was just as uneasy as himself, hearing her moving around just beyond the thin bulkhead that separated him from her, entrenched in her quarters all day according to the computer.

Neither Captain nor Commander wished to take the initiative when it came to forcing their next meeting. By the next morning, the entire bridge crew knew about the encounter in the transporter room. It had spread through the entire ship within hours. Alpha shift was just kicking in. The bridge was dead silent, an occasional whirl or beep from the equipment was all that could be heard. Thanks to Seven’s unerring ability to spew useless trivia, even Tuvok knew of the incident involving the Captain and Commander. Chakotay sat stone faced in his chair, facing the viewscreen but actually seeing nothing. He waited with the rest of the crew for his Captain to report to duty. At precisely 0700, the turbolift doors swished open and Janeway strode from the lift. All eyes turned expectantly to the captain then to the commander.

If Janeway hoped she could just ignore what had happened, her silent entry on to the bridge assured her that was not an option.

“As you were,” she admonished the bridge officers. They quickly turned, each seemingly finding something fascinating about the console before them, bending to some phantom task. The only person left staring was the Commander. He schooled his features to hide the trepidation he felt as Janeway came down the stairs to sit in her seat.

“Commander,” she said finally after only a few minutes... she could almost hear the collected intake of breath on the bridge. “you have the bridge,” she said crisply as she stood and retreated to her ready room. Well, she thought to herself, that was over with...not as bad as she had anticipated. She was feeling more confident. The second encounter would go more smoothly, she was assuring herself, congratulating herself on the way she handled the crew. Of course, she was handling Chakotay as well. She knew he would not tolerate that for long. No sooner had she sat down at her desk when the buzzer sounded. “No, not long at all” she thought to herself.

“Come in Commander,” she said wearily.

Chakotay came to the front of the desk and sat down heavily. It wasn’t until this moment that Janeway realized that the Commander was just as much at a loss as to a what to do about their current situation as was she.

“Chakotay,” she sighed, “this thing between us...”

“The desk?” he said helpfully.

Janeway just glared at him.

“Chemistry?” the Commander hazarded.

“Whatever,” Janeway said, throwing up her arms in surrender.

“Kathryn.... you love me, you know it, I know it... and now the entire crew knows it. The question is, what are we going to do about it?”

Useless to deny it, she thought to herself. “Do? We are going to do nothing.”

“Well, that would be fine with me. There is only ...only one problem.” he wheezed, attempting to conceal his arousal, his hands steepled over his groin... a gesture that was not lost on his Captain.

“Snap out of it, Commander. It’s not going to happen!”

“Whatever...” Chakotay shrugged.

Both sat very still for some moments, contemplating their predicament. Neither wanted to go back to the bridge and face the crew.

“Well...” said Chakotay finally, “what are we going to do, really?”

Janeway just stared at him, as if he were some intricate puzzle she was having difficulty discerning. She was clueless. She had no idea how to reconcile their current predicament, vis-à-vis the crew. Suddenly a thought came to her. “You know, Chakotay, the longer you stay here, the worse it looks.”

“Or the better...” he said, a slow smile spreading over his handsome features.

“That’s it, Commander.... report back to the bridge, immediately.”

Chakotay stood, warring with himself as to which action to take; return to the bridge with nothing resolved or...push his own agenda, one he knew was right for both him and the Captain... well, he was sure it was right for him anyway. He would never have such an opportune moment again. She had already told him she was in love with him. He loved her. How difficult would it be for him to seduce her right here, right now. He threw caution to the wind.

“Are you sure?” he said, still smiling, coming around to her side of the desk.

“Commander...” she said menacingly, by way of a warning. Her eyes unwillingly dropped down to his groin, which he was no longer attempting to conceal. Chakotay felt a jolt, causing even more blood to flow to his already erect member.

Leaning back against the desk, he stroked her jaw with his hand, chucking her under the chin, raising her face up to his. Janeway could suddenly see the depth of desire hidden under his playfulness....could see the passion etched upon his face.

“Tell me you don’t want this as much as I do.” he hissed, “tell me you are not so lonely at night you want to tear at the bulkhead between us with your bare hands. Tell me there is nothing between us and I will go!”

Janeway’s blood had turned hot in her veins. She was angry he had not followed her orders, but she was also incredibly excited.

Chakotay pulled her slowly to him, giving her ample opportunity to draw away.

Janeway put her hands to his chest to push him away. She felt his heart thundering in his breast, felt his rapid breathing which he could not seem to control. The push gradually, reluctantly became a caress, her hands roaming over his chest, feeling the muscles rippling underneath the coarse uniform. He pulled her to him with such force, it made Janeway gasp in surprise. “Tell me to leave,” he said against her lips, “tell me to leave!”

His hot breath was like an aphrodisiac. She wanted to back away, stop him, tell him to go, but her body was not cooperating. “Chakotay,” she groaned, softly.

He released her slowly, easing out of the caress. Hearing his name on her lips, he was unsure whether she was begging him to stop, or begging him to continue. Janeway didn’t seem to know either. But one thing was clear. The Commander could have her now if he wished. Janeway was powerless at this point to resist him. Suddenly, that was not enough for Chakotay. He wanted her to come to him of her own volition, fully committed. Once committed, there would be no going back. He wanted her forever. Better to let her think about this encounter and hope that she will realize that they were meant to be together.

“Kathryn,” he breathed into her mouth, his lips still tickling hers. “I want you. I want you forever. Think long and hard. If we do this, there is no turning back, no hiding, no ‘barriers.’”

Janeway looked into his eyes. It was all she could do to nod her agreement.

She watched the Commander back away from her, taking a few moments to compose himself before returning to the bridge.

Chakotay bounded up the stairs from the ready room, shouting to the Officer In Charge... “Report!” Suddenly the crew’s reaction didn’t matter to him. Tuvok answered as if it were just another day in the Delta Quadrant. “All stations report systems functioning within normal parameters, course: 105.6, speed: Warp 5.6, Sir.”

Janeway slumped down into her chair. She felt like she had just avoided a major collision. She could feel the adrenaline surging through her system, felt her skin turn cold as shock caused her blood to be diverted to her inner organs, leaving her lightheaded. “Holly Shit!” she thought to herself. He had come and gone like a terran tornado, leaving devastation in his wake.  She knew he loved her desperately. She was not prepared for her own response.

The bridge crew bent to their consoles. Chakotay’s presence was a menacing, unpredictable force on the bridge, and like any natural disaster, the crew concentrated on staying out of the way. The chronometer appeared frozen to the uneasy bridge officers. Each waited silently for the Beta shift “relief” crew. Chakotay released command to his replacement and strode off the bridge. Janeway never did emerge from her ready room. Chakotay had suspected she had the computer beam her back to her quarters, but was loath to inquire her whereabouts from the computer. She would know... she knew everything that went on in the ship.

Chakotay retreated to his quarters. He needed time to think. An ultimatum seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he was feeling slightly panicky. What if she did not come to him. Spirits, how he loved this woman. Remembering the surge of desire that coursed through his veins from a simple look on her part, he marveled that he was able to back away. His spirit guide had promised him that she would come to him one day. Gods, he pleaded, let it be now!

Finishing a light dinner, he showered, deciding to try to get some much needed rest. He had slept very little the night before. He could hear her moving around in her bedroom on the other side of the bulkhead. What was she doing? What was she thinking? He realized he would get very little sleep tonight as well.

Janeway was pacing her small bedroom. She always thought better on her feet. She knew she had to do something. She knew an ultimatum when she heard one. She doubted Chakotay would offer his heart again. The question was really a simple one. The answer should be simple as well. Could Voyager function with a command team joined at the hips? Oh, God, she wished she knew the answer to that question.

Life was just so unpredictable, precarious... and incredibly short, she reminded herself. It certainly was not her intention to fall in love with Chakotay, but she had fallen, hard, swiftly...the moment she met him. She remembered the sinking feeling she experienced when he accepted his field commission. Her first officer! Untouchable! Had anything really changed between this time and then. She still loved him. She had known almost from the start he was in love with her. Here they were seven years later... still struggling with these overwhelming feelings they had for each other. This was a situation that was not going to go away.

The Commander had the wisdom to back off and allow her the time to sort through all the permutations, the possible problems of  a relationship between them without the heat of passion coloring her judgment. When she thought about it rationally, she realized that the fact that she was in love with him... had been in love with him for seven years, had not compromised her command abilities. That was not to say she was not incredibly apprehensive when she sent him on a dangerous mission... but in truth, she felt the same way about each and every member of her crew. She exhaled her surprise. A physical relationship between them would not alter the command structure of Voyager, of this she was certain. One of the reasons she was certain was her complete faith and trust in her first officer. Chakotay would never have pursued this relationship if he thought it would compromise the ship and crew in any way. She was sure he would be the same faithful, efficient first officer he had always been. He had loved her also... she reminded herself, never putting his own feelings ahead of the ship, even when she voluntarily allowed herself to be assimilated. He never showed even a hint of hesitation, sticking to the plan as it was conceived. What more proof did she need? The Commander had proved time and again that his duty and devotion to the ship and crew was first and foremost. Janeway knew a physical relationship with him would not alter that.

There was also a question of her sense of well being. She had grown depressed in the last year or so, trying to fill her down time, so she would not have time to think about herself, her plans for a future, her loneliness, her unfulfilled desire to be a wife and mother. Chakotay had been correct. There were many nights when she wanted to tear down the wall between them, wanted to feel his strong arms around her. Even now, just the thought of him being here, in her bedroom, among her most intimate things brought her comfort and a leaden feeling in her abdomen that only her first officer could fill!

She was ready, she realized. She was ready to go to him, to give herself freely and gratefully... grateful that he had waited for her, grateful that he was the man that he was, grateful to realize that she would no longer be alone.

Tomorrow, she would tell him. From tomorrow on, she would never be alone.

Chakotay entered the mess hall. It was already crowded, overflowing with the crew trying to get breakfast before reporting to for their alpha shift assignments. The noise level dropped to a low hum when he entered. He loaded his tray with a concoction vaguely reminiscent of an egg, mushroom omelet along with some herbal tea, setting off to a corner of the galley to eat alone. The noise level continued to grow to its original level till suddenly there was complete silence. Chakotay looked up to see the Captain at the mess hall door. Surprise registered on his face, his mouth unwittingly forming a small “o.” He was certain she would spend the day avoiding him and the crew.

The captain greeted crewmembers close to her, smiling, moving through the mess hall as if it were not an issue that she and the commander found themselves in the same room.

Janeway slopped some of the egg mixture onto her plate, grabbed Neelix’s version of coffee and marched up to her first officer who rose as she approached. “May I join you, Commander?”

Chakotay, unable to speak, motioned to the chair opposite him. Janeway sat down and proceeded to dig into the eggs as if she was savoring every bite. Chakotay sat, playing with his food, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The crew, collectively shaking themselves, turned away to give the command team a semblance of privacy. Chakotay, whose seat was facing out >from the wall, could see their furtive glances, vainly trying to determine the status of the command team.

When he looked back to Janeway, she was smiling, looking at him as if she was really seeing him for the first time... allowing herself to really look at him, enjoy him looking at her. Her coming to him here, in public, was a eloquent statement to the crew that she was no longer afraid to show her love for him.

A slow smile spread across his features.

He reached out his hand, she entwined her fingers in his. She was smiling, tears running down her cheeks, just as they had on New Earth. They dropped their hands, not needing to prolong the moment, and finished their meal in companionable silence.

When finished, the captain stood, waiting for the Commander to gather up his tray to recycle it. She gestured him ahead of her. “Well, Commander, shall we go mind the store?”

Chakotay smiled wide, suddenly appearing younger, absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

Janeway realized she was not breathing. All she could think was that tonight, this beautiful, virile man would be in her bed. She forced her lungs to fill with air. It was going to be a long, long day on the bridge.