THE CURE

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em all yadda, yadda, yadda...I'm just borrowing them to distract my insomnia. Be warned this was written at four in the morning!

Summary: The Captain gets tired of her First Officer's attitude.

" So what do you say Chakotay? You, me, some Hoverball, holodeck 2? Give me a chance to get back at you? ", Paris asked from the helm.

" No thanks. ", Chakotay said, not even looking up.

" You sure? If you beat me this time you break a record? I mean you veritably chewed me up and spat me out, and all without a sweat. ", Paris added adamant on winning.

" Why don't you ask the Captain, she's mastered that. ", he sighed referring to Paris's metaphor.

His comment got the attention of the whole bridge crew, and all but confirmed (not that they already hadn't made an educated guess) that the Captain was the reason for their Commander's recent bout of crankiness and depression for the past week now.

" Okaaay! ", Paris stretched giving in, thanking the heavens that Janeway was in her Ready Room right now.

" Hey Chakotay. Ensign Ryan and myself were wondering if you'd listen to our new piece of music. We need some constructive criticism, so far all we've got is it's relaxing and cheerful, and B'Elanna suggested you. So how about it? ", Harry picked up on Paris's attempt hoping Chakotay might be a bit more responsive to him.

" Harry you see this face? ", he turned pointing earnestly to himself.

" It's as bloody relaxed and cheery as you're gonna get from now on, so do me a favor and cork it Ensign! ", he said angrily.

Harry just nodded stunned.

" Commander I caution your tone and manner of addressing Mr. Kim, it is highly inappropriate. ", Tuvoks voice came across from Harry.

" Really? Well you know what Tuvok? I out-rank you and him so why don't you shut the hell up? ", he barked advancing towards the Vulcan.

" May I remind you Commander, that while you may out-rank the Ensign and I, Captain Janeway out-ranks you and she would not tolerate this kind of behavior. ", Tuvok said as calm as ever.

" As yes! The ever high and mighty! I was wondering when she would come up. Well what are you waiting for? Go and report me to her royal coldness! ", Tuvok only raised his eyebrow.

" Go in and kiss her ass like you always do. Then again, maybe you shouldn't, she doesn't like kissing, I found that out last week. She might even hit you for it. No maybe you should forget the kissing. You could try telling her a story. Hmmmm no been there done that! Sleeping with every compatible alien that comes along to get even a moments attention, nope scratch that, been there too! How about after work hours dinners in her quarters? Hell you could even brave her cooking if you were desperate enough- you think her coffee's bad, wait 'till you taste her vegetable lasagna! You know what scratch that too, all I got was food poisoning! Well it seems I've run out of ideas. I give in. I give up. I'm spent! ", and with that he stormed off the bridge.

" Did *anyone* make any sense from that? ", Harry asked.

" You got me! Besides being convinced he's lost the plot! ", Paris quipped.

Just as he finished Janeway emerged out of her Ready Room.

" Anything exciting happening gentlemen? ", she asked smiling as she made her way across the bridge.

" No ma'am. ", Harry replied instantly as he noticed Paris's mouth threatening to speak.

" Glad to se someone's in a good mood. ", Paris mumbled.

" Mr. Paris? ", Janeway questioned.

" Nothing Captain. ", he replied noticing the stares from behind her.

" Where's the Commander? ", she asked as she sat down noticing his chair was empty.

" He went to blow off a little steam. ", Paris offered as Harry shot him a warning glance.

" Still grumpy is he then? ", she asked to their surprise.

" Grumpy? Nooo. Insane? Perhaps! ", Paris answered.

" This is going to be a long week! ", she said to herself.

" Janeway to Chakotay. ", she spoke up.

" What? ", he snapped through the comm link.

" Can you come up here I need to talk to you? ", she asked nicely.

" What do you want Captain? ", he asked reluctantly, telling her he wasn't going to come up and face her.

" I've been receiving some disturbing reports of your recent behavior from several crew members. You don't seem to be yourself. I'd like you to make a visit to Sickbay, see what the Doctor has to say. ", she finished.

" My wish is you command your royal.... " Janeway didn't catch the rest of it as he mumbled it and broke the link.

Janeway just rolled her eyes. She had gotten used to this over the past week since he tried to kiss her and she slapped him down for it, literally and technically. He had been out of line, she was just doing what was right. She told herself over and over. Nothing she could do about it.

The week passed and as it did Chakotay got more detached by the day instead of getting better. He didn't even bother to snap at people anymore, just ignored them and sulked around all day. He sat staring at a PADD, his favorite pastime now, while everyone else listened intently to Paris's account of a practical joke he played on Ensign Harely.

" I finally convinced him to put on the clothes the hologram gave him, told him he looked more authentic in them. We spent about half an hour in the program and I told him our time was up. So I headed for the door and he followed. We got to the door and as it opened in front of us I told the computer to end the program. ", he started to laugh.

" Oh no, you didn't! ", Janeway said in disbelief realising what he was up to.

" Everything disappeared, as the program ended. ", he started laughing again.

" Including his clothes! ", Janeway bellowed.

" Including his clothes! ", he answered her.

" It took him a while before he even realised why everyone was staring at him like he had two heads. He ran down the corridor swearing and breaking more than one Starfleet regulation. ", he finished as everyone fell into fits of laughter.

" Tom you're cruel. ", Janeway told him as most of her laughter subsided, and everyone turned back to their stations chuckling.

Janeway turned to Chakotay, he hadn't moved a muscle.

" Didn't you think it was funny Commander? ", she asked still smiling widely.

" No Captain, not at all. ", he said quietly.

" Oh for God's sake Chakotay! You haven't even as much as smiled in the past two weeks. ", she got fed up with his tone.

" I don't want to, nor have I any reason to smile. ", he replied still scrutinizing the PADD.

Janeway just sighed at him. They sat like this for the whole shift. It was quiet and there was nothing much to do but make conversation, none of which Chakotay would engage in at all. His monotone comments were driving Janeway crazy, he was beginning to sound more like Tuvok with each passing minute.

" Right! That's it! I've had enough! ", Janeway yelled as she sprung out of her chair.

" Commander, my Ready Room, *now*! ", she ordered as he followed her in.

Once inside Janeway spun around to meet his solemn face.

" Okay, the Doctor says there is nothing wrong with you, that this behavior is purely by your choice. Well I know what's wrong with you Chakotay, and I know how it can be fixed. ", she stopped as confusion hit his face.

" So I guess the question is, do you want to play Doctor/Patient? ", she said suggestively raising an eyebrow.

Chakotay's head snapped up just in time to stutter the beginning of a 'what' and to see Janeway slinking across the room towards him. Before he knew it she was right up beside him. Oh boy, what's she up to? I hope I'm not gonna get hit this time, he thought as she grabbed his jacket in her two fists and tugged him to her couch, throwing him so as he was lying on it. She nudged her knee in between his legs and got up onto the couch and bent over him as he gulped hard.

" I think it's time for your medicine Commander! ", she purred as her mouth covered his slowly.

" You think it was a good idea to let Rocky the depressed go head to head with Ice maiden the man destroyer alone? ", Paris swung around in his chair and nodded towards the Ready Room.

" Setting aside your choice of words Mr. Paris, I do recognise your concern. ", Tuvok stated.

" So should we test the waters? ", Paris asked the Vulcan.

" I believe you just volunteered Mr. Paris. ", he said

" Sure I did. ", Paris said sarcastically .

" Toss me those reports. I'll need some 'cover' in the war zone! ", he said getting up and heading for his destination.

When the doors to the Ready Room swished open Paris was expecting to see his Commanding officers at each other's throats, but not like this! As the doors closed behind him Janeway was ripping off her First Officers clothes while he was frantically trying his best to keep up with her.

" Ahem! ", he coughed getting Janeway's attention.

" Tuvok sent me in with those reports you asked for Captain. ", he winced as Chakoaty continued his assault on her neck.

He half expected Janeway to spring up and throw him out but her attention was diverted to say the least, and she just turned her attention and her mouth back to her First Officer, who Tom was pretty sure wasn't even aware he was in the room. He then heard Janeway mumble something he couldn't quite understand.

" Mmmmiss ofmmmm mmmore mmmmmmmmmthro mmmmmmm mmmmmmrig. ", was what he caught.

" Sorry Captain, I didn't quite catch that. ", he grinned as the two deliberately ignored him and proceeded to get rid of the garments that clad them. He noticed a sudden flare of rage in Janeway's eyes as she noticed he was still there.

Uh oh!

She pulled her tongue out of Chakotay's mouth and snapped her head up to Paris.

" I said, piss off before I throw you in the Brig! ", she barked.

" Aye Captain! ", Paris saluted as she resumed her assault on Chakotay and he reentered the bridge with one of his trademark grins painted on his face.

" Well? ", Harry quizzed.

" What's going on in there? ", he asked again impatiently as Paris took his seat.

" I think the Captain is administrating a cure for the Commander's condition. ", he said smugly to confused expressions and raised eyebrows.

" Huh? ", Harry asked for everybody.

" Let's just say she's giving him..... a physical. ", he was still grinning, as jaws dropped, eyes widened and one eyebrow raised.

FINIS

By Tara :)

As always feedback is very welcome, good or bad!