"The Breather"
I don't know exactly where this came from. All I know is that
it sounds like a Seinfeld episode in the realms of the 'Close
Talker' (played by Judge Reinhold sp?), 'Manly Hands' and the
'Obnoxious laugh' -- Jerry: "How could I be with a woman
who laughs like that?" "The Breather"They say familiarity breeds contempt. While I might tend to agree to some extent, I don't feel that way at all about HIM. Let's make that clear. No. I think of my feelings as... an exploration of my other half's idiosyncrasies. I love Chakotay, I really do. I love everything about him. His smile, his voice, the way he walks.... I absolutely adore him. But one thing really bugs me: His breathing. Okay. Okay. I'm being a real nitpicker. A bitch at the most extreme. How can I say that I love a man yet find his breathing disturbing? All right. Disturbing is such a harsh word. Let's try... okay I don't really know how to describe it. He breathes really loud. Every time he speaks, you can hear him inhaling. It's even worse when he sleeps. Let's not even go to the sex... He's like a damned WangShang Dole when he breathes. Those quixotic extinct wild dogs from China. I've gotten used to it the past couple of years. I barely notice it on the course of a normal day. But since I have the pleasure of sharing his bed as well as my body with him, it's become quite noticeable. When we go at it like wild prairie voles, it's like he's running a marathon. And since he has the stamina of an eighteen year old, the breathing goes on and on. Behind me, above me, beside me.... under me. He just keeps panting away. I'm half tempted to consult the Doctor if I didn't think he would make lascivious remarks about it. I can hear it now, "Captain. Perhaps a decrease in vigorous activities would lessen the Commander's... shall we say, 'vocal respirations'." No way am I taking unsolicited sex advice from that big mouth EMH. There's also the fact that I don't want Chakotay to know that his breathing bothers me. If he finds out that I find an aspect of him undesirable, there's no telling what kind of measure he would take. I'm just not prepared to find him in our quarters extracting his lungs or something equally stupid. I'm pretty sure that if I give it a couple of more months, I won't even notice it. It will take a while, but I will get over this. I read somewhere that couples eventually get accustomed to each other's habits as time passes. Wives become immune to loud, boorish snoring. Husbands learn to tune in and out of conversations. It's a process, like so many things and I'm prepared to accept his habits if he can put up with my own peccadilloes. And I have many. Admittedly I'm a very touchy, feely person. I like to make contact as much as possible with those I'm conversing with. Chakotay doesn't like that. In fact he gets down right hostile if a man of virile age get's even a meter of my personal space. He has no problem hogging it himself, but if Tom Paris, who is very happily married by the way, oversteps the boundary, which Chakotay has drawn quite clearly, there is hell to pay. His terrorist (don't let him know I said that) tendencies start to immerge. He walks around posturing, sending out signals to other alpha males that I'm his property. We might as well have matching tattoos the way he brands me as his-- and if he has his way, he would start carving up my forehead. I draw the line there. I finally told him to cut it out when one of the ambassadors from a system we were passing cowered in fear when Chakotay gave him the glare of the quadrant when the man had given me a friendly embrace. He sent the poor ambassador scurrying off the ship. I had to explain to Chakotay that my first officer couldn't go around scaring dignitaries if they wished to express their gratitude. Needless to say, he apologized and informed me that it will never happen again. That incident was a wake up call to me that Chakotay was a very possessive man when it came to a certain captain from a certain ship. It had taken him years to finally have her and he wasn't going to let her go anytime soon. So to ease his mind, I've caught myself when I have the need reach out during a conversation. I've stopped walking around the helm when Tom is on duty there. (For some reason, Chakotay is convinced that Tom has always been attracted to me. Which really is irrelevant since he's married and I'm with Chakotay. But then no one has ever accused Chakotay of being logical.) I've also stopped my habit of imbibing caffeine in the middle of the night. As I said before, Chakotay is possessive. He likes to have me wrapped around him when he sleeps. He likes to sleep skin to skin, so I've had to give up wearing my favorite peach gown. But I absolutely refused to stop drinking coffee and grow back my hair. He likes long hair. I've grown tired of it. I love coffee,and he can't stand that I toss and turn for hours on, because I'm so hyped up. He puts up with it because it's either that or the couch for him. I've caught him more than once trying to reprogram the replicator to only spew out that garbage he calls decaf. Doesn't he know that the whole essence of coffee is stripped away in the absence of caffeine? Was he trying to kill me? But alas, the whole issue was eventually put to rest when the doctor told me that we were expecting. Which meant no coffee. You wouldn't believe the amount of hyperventilating I had to go through when Chakotay found out. He just gave a big gasp, slacked jawed and… Yes breathing hard. His voice became all raspy and emotional as he told me how happy he was that I was giving him a child. In the mess hall he'd inhaled deeply and proclaimed to all who would listen that he knocked me up. I heard multiple gasps in that room. He's sleeping now, my angry warrior. His slow and steady breathing a comfort to me. So maybe it is loud. So maybe it's a little disconcerting, that quality to his voice that often makes me wonder if he has low lung capacity. But you know what? It's part of him. It's part of the man I fell in love with. To change something like that in him is tantamount to changing the man, and I can't have that. I love Chakotay with all my heart and I want him to stay just the way he is. Even if he is a breather. END
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