After the Fall: Part 1

Disclaimer: This disclaimer applies for the entire After the Fall series. All characters belong to Paramount except those outlined on the "others" page back at the fanfic site and those owned by L.A. Graf, namely Yevlin and Meris. These people are my creation and are sacrosanct as far as I'm concerned. Any unauthorized use of these characters without the author's express written permission will be severely punished as I put a *lot* of time and effort into them. This story was inspired by the book "Invasion: Time's Enemy" L.A. Graf. A good read. Go buy it. :) The other ideas present in these series of stories are mine.

I honestly believe that this series will never end as I seem to have dug myself into a different version of the DS9 series. As long as there's fodder from the show, there'll be more stories. In fact, they might go longer than the show....

In any case, enjoy. Feedback is always appreciated. :)

After the Fall

Chapter 1

Dax sat on the floor in her quarters. She had just gotten back from examining the wormhole with Heather Petersen and she was exhausted. 'It's no surprise, all things considered,' she thought. Therefore, she was trying her best to meditate, to get her mind off the last few days and eventually try to get some sleep. However, every time she closed her eyes, she saw *it*, remembered first seeing *it*, and remembered the last time she felt *its* presence....and was lost in memories. The feeling of seeing the ancient symbiont laying in thebrine tank in the infirmary on the Defiant. The mix of Jadzia's horror and Dax's affection for it's 5000 year old counterpart. The memory was instantly replaced by the feeling of Manan'Agar slamming into the portable brine tank on the Jem'Hadar base as he was attacked by the viroid aliens, the sensation of the tank breaking, of old Dax hitting the cold floor and of being picked up by the aliens and ingested....Her eyes snapped open, the feelings of terror and pain ebbing. She stared wide eyed around her quarters, comforting herself in the familiar contours and objects therein. Dax realized that relaxing wasn't going to happen right now and decided to head to Quark's for dinner.

*******

Julian was moving around the Infirmary, cleaning up equipment, putting things in their place, and generally trying to keep busy. He had released Jadzia over three hours ago to go see the wormhole with Ensign Petersen and had been straightening ever since. He wasn't quite sure why he was so restless, but cleaning and re-cleaning the Infirmary had always helped. Julian walked over to a tray next to a biobed that had different instruments and probes all over it. As he shuffled through them, putting them in their proper places, he found one that brought back unhappy memories. He picked up the segmented probe and stared at it. The k'fken probe, he thought. Julian stared at the probe for a moment and turned around, his gaze sweeping the infirmary, remembering. His gaze caught a familiar piece of equipment and his heart sank. 'I thought O'Brien had dismantled that thing,' he thought walking over to the old brine tank. He rested his hand on the tank, lost in memories of yesterday, of Dax, the loss of power, realizing that the viroid life form that had been in stasis was now free, trying to move Dax to the ICU, going for the antigravs to help move the tank, finding the viroid (or the viroid finding him), the viroid attacking Dax, the feel of difluorine on his hands and seeing Dax squirming in the tank which had been contaminated by the difluorine, reaching to get Dax out of the tank and his world exploding into memories and thoughts of a 5000 year old symbiont....

*******

Dax was walking by the infirmary on her way to Quark's. Out of curiosity and habit, she threw a passing glance in to see if Julian was still there. She spotted him standing next to the brine tank, lost in thought, his face a mixture of grief, regret, anger, guilt and frustration.

"Julian?"

He looked up, startled. "Dax!" He exclaimed. Suddenly, his features clouded over with sadness and guilt and he glanced back at the tank.

"Julian," she ventured, "what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Oh, nothing out of the ordinary when I lose a patient I obviously spent a lot of time trying to make sure survived." He glanced back down at the tank.

"Julian..." He looked up. "Julian, it wasn't your fault. You did what you had to."

"It wasn't enough. I could have done more."

"Julian, you did more than anyone else would have. Besides, you had no control over what happened in the Gamma Quadrant."

"Yes, but you did," he snapped, venting his anger and frustration at her, and immediately regretting it.

"And what is *that* supposed to mean?" she retorted.

"Isn't your first duty as a joined Trill to your symbiont?" he pressed on, letting his emotions get the best of him. "Whether joined to you or not?"

It was the equivalent of slapping her across the face. She blanched and looked away, her gaze roaming around the room, unfocused until it eventually rested on the empty tank.

Julian saw a tear roll down her cheek and felt like an insensitive fool. He crossed the distance between them and folded her in his arms "Oh, Jadzia. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I'm just tired and frustrated. I should have known how this is affecting you..."

Dax shook her head against his chest. "It's not just that, Julian. It's...." She took a shaky breath. "I could feel what happened, on the Jem'Hadar station," she whispered. She felt him start but didn't dare stop what she was saying, knowing she wouldn't be able to finish if she did. "Everything. From the moment the ancient symbiont and Manan Agar beamed over until.."she stopped, scared her voice would break. She suddenly realized tears were falling freely down her cheeks. She felt Julian's arms tighten around her. She sank against him, finding comfort in his arms. If anyone could understand....

Julian just held her. He didn't quite know what to say. He had no idea that she had gone through *this* as a part of her ansible link to the Old Dax, although he now realized he should have assumed that she would feel everything it did.

Suddenly she pulled away, wiping the tears from her cheeks. He just stood there, not sure what to do. After a moment, she looked at him and smiled slightly. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just.."

"Don't you dare apologize, Jadzia," he whispered. "I can't even imagine what you went through and here I am sulking..." He looked away, mildly ashamed of his self-absorption.

"Julian...." Her voice wasn't the chiding, it was inquisitive. "Julian, why did you feel that Dax wanted to come through the wormhole?"

Julian glanced at her and quickly looked away. His gaze wandered around the Infirmary, retracing the events of those horrific moments, ending with the tank. After a moment, he looked up at Dax and asked "What did Odo tell you?"

"Only that you said that Old Dax insisted on going to the Gamma Quadrant."

"And how much do you know from the ansible link?" He had turned away from the tank, picking up the k'fken probe and returning it to it's proper place.

"Only that Old Dax said that it had to try to make you understand that I should have brought it with me. But how did Dax communicate that, Julian? I doesn't make any sense."

Julian sighed and turned around to look at her. She was standing there next to the brine tank studying him curiously. 'She's avoiding what happened to her,' his clinical side whispered. 'You should turn the topic back to what happened to *her* so she can talk about it.' However, he couldn't shift the topic from him, no matter how much he wanted to. Besides, he hated to see her in pain and he couldn't alleviate his discomfort by making her miserable. After a long pause he started to talk. He told her everything that happened, from the power going out to the point where he reached in to pick up Dax and get it out of the difluorine and his world exploding into memories that weren't his. "I guess after all those years, the Old Dax learned to mimic my neural firing patterns," he finished.

Jadzia sat and listened to the doctor's story, her heart going out to him. 'He's taking this too much to heart' <but that's why we love him>. 'He did everything he could...and more. He can't blame himself for things that were out of his control...did you say love?'

"Jadzia?"

She was jolted back to reality by the concern in his voice. She looked up and realized he was at her side, his hazel eyes reflecting that concern. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Are *you* alright?"

"Just great."

She glanced at him and allowed herself to smile, realizing they were both lying through their teeth. She was still reeling from the shock she experienced at hearing Dax's thoughts three seconds ago. The old Dax's 'thoughts', or residual thoughts, mixed the thoughts of Dax from this time line. 'Love him?'

<yes> came the answer of two voices. So similar, yet so different. One tempered by 300 years of experience, the other speaking from 5000 years of life, 100 years of which were spent with the other Julian, one that knew him better than she ever thought she could.

"Jadzia..." He was still concerned, but he decided to let her come talk to him if she wanted to. He wasn't going to push it. Besides, right then he was simply too exhausted. She looked up at him and she tried to mask her confusion and inner turmoil. "As much as I'd love to stay and talk with you, I'm really quite tired and hungry, but I do have a lot of cleaning up to do before I can go," he gestured towards the mess of equipment, "so I was wondering if..." he then gestured towards the entrance, his features contrite.

"Oh, of course." She started towards the door and then paused at the entrance. She really didn't want to be alone right now and she wasn't sure she wanted to leave him alone to wallow in self pity.

"Julian?" He glanced up at her and she felt her words catch in her throat. She cleared it and started again. "I was wondering if, well, I haven't eaten either and, to be honest I really don't feel like being by myself right now, so I was wondering if you'd want to join me at Quark's for a bit. Maybe we could talk more...."

Julian smiled and said, "Well, I'm not feeling up to Quark's, really. I was just planning on heading back to my quarters."

"Oh..." she looked crestfallen.

"Of course, if you wanted to join *me*, I wouldn't mind the company either."

She smiled. "Thank you."

"Just let me straighten up a bit here...."

Dax waited patiently as Julian cleaned up the Infirmary, putting various instruments and probes away. After awhile, he turned to her and smiled. "All set. Shall we?"

The headed off together towards his quarters in silence. Neither of them had much to say that they wanted to end up as station gossip, so they refrained from conversation until they had entered his quarters and had gotten dinner from the replicator. They ate in silence for a couple minutes, Dax studying her plate. Finally, Julian broke the silence. "You know, for someone who wanted to talk, you're certainly quiet," he said gently.

Dax looked at him and sighed. "I'm sorry Julian. I was just....thinking."

Julian put his plate aside. "What about?" he asked quietly.

"Oh, nothing really. Just the last several days..as a whole." Julian's look told her he didn't believe a word she said, but she wasn't quite sure how to tell him what was happening inside her. She wasn't quite sure of what was happening herself. 'I shouldn't be hearing its thoughts, but I am. Why?' Dax shivered.

"Jadzia? What's wrong?"

She looked at him, trying to collect her scattered thoughts and put them into some coherent form. Finally she gave up and hoped he could make sense of things. "I can...*hear* its thoughts." He reached and gently took her hand in his. "Only they're not thoughts, they're more...impressions. It's disconcerting. I hear two voices instead of one and they're so similar, but they're not..." she trailed off, not sure if she was making any sense.

Julian gazed at her. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Because I really didn't notice it until talking to you in the infirmary."

"Oh." Julian gently squeezed her hand and let go. He gazed at her for a long time. She looked confused and a little scared about what was happening, and what had happened. After awhile he said, "Jadzia, if this continues.."

"I'll let you know Julian, don't worry." She sounded like she was trying to quell any worry he had, but she also sounded a little annoyed.

"Jadzia, what's wrong. You've been up-front with me, but there's something more. Please tell me what it is. I want to help. I'm worried about you."

'Always concerned about others over himself,' she thought fondly.

<that's why we love him> she heard the strange pairing of voices again, one yet not, and decided to press back.

'We?'

<yes>

'Who does "we" include?'

'Why am I hearing Old Dax's voice along with yours?'

<it is a result of the ansible link. it will fade with time. do not worry> Jadzia decided to take another line of questioning.

'Love him?'

<yes>

'Why?'

<why not?> Jadzia sighed. Dax was being more cryptic than usual, but she had to know what brought this change of heart up....

*******

Julian stared at Dax. She was staring at a point just over his shoulder. He had tried to talk to her, to get her attention, but she wasn't listening, or couldn't hear. Confused and a little worried, he reached and took her hand and decided to wait.

*******

'Why not?'

<yes> Jadzia paused. She wasn't quite sure what to make of this answer when she heard the voices again, only this time Old Dax's was the most prominent. <we know him better now after this. we have always cared about him but now we realize how much he cares for us>

'What do you mean? Julian's always made his feelings for me quite clear. We're friends. *Good* friends.'

Jadzia froze. 'What?'

Jadzia didn't know what to think. 'What do you mean? He's never hinted to care for me as more than anything than a friend for years. Why didn't he say anything?'

pause 'What do I do?'

Jadzia paused again. 'I don't know.'

Jadzia broke of the internal conversation and slowly became aware of her surroundings. Julian's quarters, dinner, and a vice-like grip on her left hand.

"Jadzia?"

She looked up into his hazel eyes. Once again, the concern in his voice was reflected in them. She sighed. "I'm fine Julian. Just tired...." 'And terribly confused.'

He stood up, gently pulling her with him. "Why don't you go get some sleep. We'll talk about this later."

Dax smiled and nodded. "Good night, Julian.," she said as he walked with her towards the door.

"Good night."

The door opened and then slid shut behind her and she leaned against it. After a moment, she took a deep breath and headed towards her quarters. 'Maybe some sleep will help me think straight.'

*******

The next morning Dax didn't feel any better, even after having gotten several hours of sleep. But, Julian had said she could go back on duty yesterday, so she arrived in Ops at her usual time, five minutes before her shift began. She walked across Ops, smiled and nodded good morning to the person manning the science station and took over.

Just as she was settling in, she heard Captain Sisko call her from his office. With a sigh, she got up and headed up the stairs.

"Morning, old man. How are you feeling?"

"Much better, Benjamin. What did you want to see me about?"

"Just that. Dr. Bashir left me a message yesterday," Dax tensened, hoping he hadn't told Benjamin about being able to "hear" Old Dax. Sisko saw this. "He said that I should keep an eye on you for him, just in case. Dax, are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine. I just want to get settled back into routine again and put this behind me."

Sisko paused. Something was bothering her, but if she didn't want to talk about it, he had no right to push the matter. Yet. "Alright. But you let me know if anything is wrong. No matter how trivial it seems to you. We'll let the doctor decide whether it is or not." Dax smiled and nodded. "Dismissed."

Dax started to head out of the office when she felt the memories begin to overtake her again. 'No! Not now,' she thought, just before she hit the floor, unconscious.

Chapter 2

"Fire!"

The quantum torpedo launched and exploded just outside the Defiant's shields...if it had had any. Miles and Kira were instantly killed from the explosion that rocked the battered ship. The only good news was that it killed the majority of the aliens that had been draining the shields.

What seemed like seconds later, Jadzia was in a life pod, jetting away from the Defiant. Just Jadzia. The remainder of the aliens left after the small pod.

Dax was alone. Utterly alone. It's only company was Julian, and even that didn't last long in the scheme of things. Only about 100 years. The remaining time was spent in silence....

*******

"She's coming around," she heard. It took her a moment to realize where she was and who said those words...

"Julian...?"

"I'm here, Jadzia. It's alright. You're going to be fine. Just relax for a moment."

And suddenly she realized that 'she' was alone. No other memories flooded her mind but her own. "Julian! What...where's Dax?"

She felt his hand tighten over hers. "It's alright. I've placed a temporary neural block on Dax. You were close to going into systemic shock. I'm assuming it's because of the ansible link, but I'm not completely positive. I'm still running some tests. However, you're readings have become more stable, and Dax is just fine. Just rest for a bit." His explanation was comforting, but it didn't fill the void she felt. The last time she felt this empty was when Verad had stolen Dax. At least that wasn't the case now, but she was still upset.

"It said this was just a side effect from the ansible link. Dax said it would fade," she murmured to herself, but he overheard. In a louder voice she asked, "What's going to happen. The truth, Julian. I need to know."

He glanced at her and held her gaze for a moment before responding, "I don't know. I wish I did. We'll just have to wait and see. Now, for the third time," he forced a teasing smile, "get some rest."

"Yes, doctor," she responded, smiling slightly, and eventually fell asleep.

Julian turned away. He had been mentally kicking himself for not seeing this for hours. He should have seen it yesterday when he released her. He should have realized it last night when she mentioned being able to feel the old symbiont's thoughts. Hell, he should have realized that something was wrong back at Starbase 1 when she almost went into rejection. He should have *known*...

"Doctor?"

Bashir spun to face Captain Sisko. "Yes, sir?"

"How is she?" Sisko asked, gesturing towards Jadzia.

"Off hand, not good. Dax is incredibly disoriented from the events of the last few days. It seems to be reliving the memories of Old Dax somehow. Whether this is a result of the ansible link or the "conversation" between the two at Starbase 1, I don't know yet. Jadzia..." he took a breath and started again. "Jadzia almost went into complete systemic shock and rejection. I had to put a neural inhibitor on Dax to get her reading to level out. Until I figure out what's wrong with Dax, I can't risk exposing her to Dax's thoughts."

Sisko glanced in her direction again. "I had the feeling something was bothering her, but I didn't realize...." He trailed off.

"With all due respect, sir, that's not your job. It's mine."

"Don't beat yourself up over this doctor. You had no way of seeing this coming."

"Last night she mentioned that she could hear' the old symbiont's thoughts," Julian admitted. "I should have brought her here, but she insisted she was alright and just now she said that Dax felt it was just an aftereffect of the ansible link and that if would fade."

"Then you did everything you could. She would have protested the whole idea of running more tests anyhow. She can be incredibly stubborn when she puts her mind to it."

"Yes, but I would have been able to run a scan or two by the time she finished arguing. I could have seen this coming."

"And if the scan had shown nothing, would that make it all right?"

"No, because I'd still have to deal with this."

"Well then, Doctor. Deal with it."

Bashir looked at him. "Yes, sir." Sisko nodded and walked out, satisfied that his CMO would be able to concentrate on the task at hand.

*****

Three hours later, Julian was no closer to an answer and a lot more frustrated. He sipped his Tarkalian tea and re-examined the data from the last scan he took from Dax. There were no indications that anything was wrong with the symbiont. If Jadzia hadn't told him last night what was happening, he probably wouldn't even have a starting point. He sighed and started on another pad of data.

"Julian?"

His head snapped up from the numbers. Jadzia was standing in the doorway to his office. "What are you doing up?" he gasped. "You should be resting." He stood up walked to her and took her arm to lead her back into the main room of the Infirmary. She flat out refused.

"I've been resting for over six hours..."

"Three of which you were unconscious."

"Regardless, I'm not tired. Besides, you look like you could use a hand."

Julian looked up at her and hesitated. He should insist that she go lay back down and rest some more, but the look in her eyes was too much. Besides, she was right. "Alright," he conceded. "But the moment you think something is wrong, you tell me." She nodded and they got down to work.

Chapter 3

Julian sighed. Things were proceeding slowly. With Jadzia's insight, he was able to find the cause of the problems. It wasn't biological, it was psychologial shock. Now, how to cure Dax was turning onto quite a disagreement.

"Julian, the only thing I can think of that will help is letting me talk to Dax. Dax holds the answers. Besides, it's not a physical problem, is psychological. Who better to deal with it than me."

"No. Absolutely not. You almost died because of Dax's problems. I'm not about to let that happen again. 'Do no harm,' Jadzia." Julian was quite vehement about it.

"That was because I didn't understand what was happening. Now I do. I can work around it now. Besides, you're not the only one who took an oath. *My* first duty is to Dax. You said so yourself." She was just as vehement.

His eyes softened. "Jadzia, I just can't do it. I can't risk the life of one patient to save another. You of all people should know that."

"Julian," she gazed at him, her blue eyes desperate, "I know what I'm asking you to do goes against everything you believe in, but *please,* I have to do this. I *know* this will work. If you detect the first signs of anything going wrong, you can reinitiate the inhibitor. But let me try. If it doesn't work, we'll work something else out."

He stared at her for a long time. After a moment, he looked away and sighed. "Alright. Give me a moment to set things up. But the second that..."

"Of course. All I want to do is try this."

Fifteen minutes later, Jadzia was resting on the biobed waiting for Julian. 'If this doesn't work....' She shook her head. 'No, it will. But if I'm so confident, why am I so scared?'

She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and turned her head. Julian was coming out of the morgue/store room. He walked over to her bed and gently took her hand. "You ready?" She nodded. "Alright. It'll take a moment for the anti-inhibitor to work, so..." He felt her grip tighten in his and he glanced at her. She was smiling slightly and said with a confidence she didn't feel, "It's alright Julian. I'm fine. Let's just start."

He nodded and pressed the hypo against the symbiont's pouch. A minute or so later, she felt Dax's presence in her mind....

<why are we cut off? we do not understand. so alone...> That same mix of voices again.

'Dax?'

'It's me. What's wrong. Why is this happening?'

<what?>

'Why are you living out Old Dax's memories? Why did I almost die. *What's wrong*?'

Long pause <we do not know>

sigh. 'What can I do? I want to help. We can't live like this'

Pause <remember...>

...and her world exploded.

*******

Julian stood next to her bed monitoring her vital signs. So far, things were going well. Host and symbiont seemed to be fine. Suddenly, the equipment screeched and his head snapped up. Her isoboromine levels had spiked through the roof. His hand flew to the hypo with the neural inhibitor in it and was ready to inject it into the symbiont's pouch when the readings leveled off and began to drop. He didn't move his hand away until they had settled down back to near normal.

*******

"They must be getting closer to the stolen reaction masses, though. The symbiont is feeling some kind of unshielded magnetic flux---"

She gasped and broke off as a violent lurch of motion slapped the ancient symbiont against one of the cold aluminum walls of its tank. The ansible connection between them skated into screaming white haze. Through it, she was vaguely aware of Sisko swinging around, then coming to join her at the helm. "Yevlin!"

Dax couldn't hear what the physician's assistant said or did in reply, but a moment later a shock of cold rippled through her, and her senses returned. The first things she saw was Yevlin Meris's intense Bajoran frown, a few inches away. "I can't keep depressing your isoboromine levels forever, Lieutenant," she said grimly. "If the ansible connection gets cut off, your internal suppressors may rebound and send you into systemic shock."

Dax took in another gasping breath and tightened her grip on whatever was supporting her. "I don't think--this will take forever--"

"What's going on, old man?" Sisko demanded. "Talk to me!"

Both symbiont's responded to that familiar whip-crack of command. "We think Manan'Agar's been attacked--" Dax said. "Something heavy hit the brine tank a moment ago and now--"

She broke off again, feeling another lurch of motion in the brine, along with the fierce vibration of ripping metal. Then came the worst nightmare a Trill symbiont could have: an uncontrolled splashing fall through released water, followed by the horrid thud of unprotected neural matter against a bitterly cold surface. Dax gasped in shared shock and pain.

*******

"--tank's ruptured--I've been thrown out!" She reached and grabbed Julian's hand so tight he thought she would break it. He blanched at her words as he realized what was happening. 'She's reliving what happened again.' He grabbed the hypo with his free hand and moved to inject it, while glancing up at her vitals. Normal, almost. He paused. He had said that he would only inject the inhibitor if her life was is danger, but he wasn't sure he could handle this. Her face was a mask of pure fear and pain. All this flew through his mind in a split second and just as he put the hypo down, deciding to wait she said, "An alien has picked me up--" Jadzia screamed and convulsed against the surge of remembered agony. Julian's hand shot to the hypo and picked it up and injected it just as she cried, "Oh, god, I'm being eaten...."

*******

Several hours later, Jadzia woke up, feeling dazed and disoriented once again. Memories flooded over her and she gasped and sat up.

"Easy. You're alright now. You're safe." She felt a pair of hands easing her back down onto the bed. As her vision cleared she saw Julian's concerned brown eyes studying her.

"Julian," she murmured. Then she realized she still couldn't feel Dax's thoughts. "It didn't work?"

Julian flushed. "I'm not sure. Your vital signs were stable, but you..." He cleared his throat. "When you started to speak out loud, I injected the inhibitor, just to be safe."

Jadzia nodded and looked around, remembering every detail of her encounter. She shivered and felt his hand take hers and give it a squeeze.

"What happened?" he asked.

Jadzia looked at him and began to tell him about her conversation. "I got the impression that Dax felt that remembering what happened would work but I don't see how."

"Maybe it's Dax's way of working things out, coming to terms with what happened," Julian theorized. "After all, it's not an everyday occurrence when one lives through its own death."

Jadzia digested this. "You're saying that Dax just had to come to terms with its own death? But why was I affected so badly?"

"Because you and Dax lived through it through the ansible link and that's what was affecting you in the first place. The memories must still be connected to that somehow." Julian was thinking out loud. 'If that's true, what can I do about it....'

He must have said it out loud because Jadzia responded. "Maybe you don't have to do anything. Maybe Dax is fine now and has incorporated this into its memory. Maybe it's fine." Her voice was laced with hope. "Julian, let me talk to Dax."

He glanced at her and reached for another hypo and injected it. Jadzia was once again felt Dax's thoughts....

<...better....>

'Dax?'

<yes?> one unified voice this time.

'Is everything alright?'

<yes. we have incorporated the ansible memories into our own. no longer at risk>

'You're sure?'

'Never mind...'

<wait>

'Yes?'

<thank you> Jadzia smiled and ended the conversation. As her vision came into focus, she saw Julian gazing at her, concern and apprehension filling his eyes. 'Funny,' she thought. I never noticed how his eyes mirror his emotions, no matter how well he controls his features...' She was once again lost in memories gleaned from her experience with Old Dax. An image of Julian, just before he removed Dax from Jadzia so she could lure the rest of the aliens away. His face was entirely composed except his eyes. His eyes reflected his pain and...love. 'Gods,' she thought. 'He loves me!'

<yes...we have been through this> Jadzia smiled wryly. Back to normal....

"Dax, are you alright?"

....Almost. She looked at Julian again. 'What do I do?'

'Do I love him?'

pause <what do you think?> the voice was just slightly tinged with sarcasm.

long pause 'I...' Dax suddenly became aware of his presence again and answered his question. "I'm fine, Julian. Just...tired."

He smiled, relief showing. "I can imagine. I'm ordering you to take two days of bed rest to recover. I was planning on ordering the senior staff to take a day or so off, also, but I don't want to see you for two days, Lieutenant, unless I come and visit you."

Dax smiled. "Yes, doctor," she replied. His smile broadened. Dax paused. "Julian, are you sure you shouldn't do the same. You went through hell too." She said it with a knowledge of someone who had witnessed it first hand.

Julian stared. 'She knows about what happened here. Of course she knows. She has Old Dax's memories. How couldn't she. Besides, you told her bits and pieces.' He glanced away and then back. "If I did, how would I make sure you were following orders?" he smiled. He saw a look come into her eyes and before he knew what was happening, she was kissing him. Startled, he almost pulled away before he realized what was happening, but then he slowly relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around her back, pulling her closer.

After a long moment, she pulled away and murmured, "I'm sure you can think of a way to keep an eye on me." Julian gazed at her and saw the playful glint in her bright blue eyes and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. He smiled back. "I'm sure I could," he responded and kissed her. She felt a shiver run down her spine and she melted against him, losing herself in his embrace, his kiss, and his love for her. After an eternity, they both pulled away and she gazed into his eyes and saw the same thing she did in her memories from Old Dax, but without the pain. She leaned close and brushed her lips against his and whispered, "I love you." She felt the surprise radiate through him before he relaxed and whispered in return, "I love you, too." And in a matter of seconds, all rational thought left them as he pushed her/she pulled him back onto the biobed.

*******

Dax woke up late the next morning. She stirred slightly and felt her hand brush against another body. Last night came back to her and she smiled and opened her eyes. She was in her quarters and Julian was laying next to her, propped up on one elbow, smiling slightly. "You know," he said, gently brushing her hair back, "this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to make sure you got bed rest."

Dax smiled in response. "Complaints?"

"Not a one."

Dax laughed and snuggled close. She felt him gently wrap his arms around her and kiss her forehead. She sighed contentedly. "Me either," she murmured, gently nuzzling his neck. She felt him smile and tilt his head down to kiss her gently. Soon, they were reliving more pleasant memories.

Chapter 4

Two days later, Dax was back in Ops, rested and refreshed. O'Brien smiled his greeting and Kira came over and struck up a conversation.

"You should hear the rumors flying around the station."

"What about?"

"You and Dr. Bashir."

Dax glanced up, surprised and amused. 'Word certainly travels fast on this station.' Out loud she said, "Really, what about us?"

Kira missed the generalized 'us' and the look that flitted across Dax's face as she said it. "Well, since no one has seen either of you for two days people just began assuming things. If you know what I mean."

Dax smiled. 'More than you know,' she thought, almost laughing. "Perhaps I should go talk to Julian to warn him. He has lunch with Garak today and if anyone is abreast of station gossip, it's him." Kira grunted her assent and headed back to her station.

"Why don't you go down now? It's quiet here and we've gotten along fine without you for two days, so I don't think a few minutes would make much more of a difference."

Dax burst out laughing. "Thanks a lot! But, seeing as he deserves to know...." She smiled at Kira and O'Brien, who had been following the conversation with interest. She stepped into the turbolift and headed to the Promenade.

O'Brien looked at Kira and said, "Told you so." Kira just shook her head and went back to work.

*******

Julian was just finishing up with one of the Bajoran children who had twisted her ankle playing with some friends. They had been playing tag while in the holosuites with their parents. Julian smiled at the little girl and said, "There. Good as new." The little girl hopped off the table and tested her ankle. When she saw that it worked again she grinned delightedly and ran off out of the Infirmary.

"Thank you, doctor," called the little girl's mother as she took off after her little one. As she was leaving, she bumped into Dax, who was just entering. "I'm sorry!" she gasped and continued after her child.

"No problem," Dax said, amused, and turned to face Julian. He was smiling at her. Dax felt her heart skip a beat when she saw him. 'How funny,' she thought. 'It's never done that before.'

"Jadzia," he said, the warmth in his voice matching the sparkle in his eyes. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on duty."

"I am, but I thought I'd come down here to let you in on a bit of gossip." She was smiling with amusement.

Julian gazed at her curiously. "What?" Dax loved to talk about the lives of other people, but she usually waited until after her shift to indulge herself.

"Well, it seems that people think we're something of an item."

"Really?" He smiled slightly. "How odd."

"Mmmm. I agree." She leaned against the wall casually. "But, I knew you have lunch with Garak today, so I thought I'd let you know about this so you wouldn't be caught off guard."

"That's very thoughtful, Dax. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, doctor." At this point, it was all she could do not to laugh out loud. She was enjoying this immensely.

"Perhaps we should go into my office so we can, um, discuss how to diffuse this particular rumor." He was grinning openly now.

"A good idea, but as you pointed out, I'm on duty, so I should get back to Ops."

"Alright. Once again, thank you." A pause. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course." He smiled and she nodded and left. Julian began to put the equipment he had been using away, humming the entire time. Maile and Yevlin smiled conspiratorially at each other.

*******

Sisko smiled at his Chief of Operations officer. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, sir. It's not just station scuttlebug. They're quite smitten."

"Hmm. Perhaps I should have a talk with Dax."

"Whatever you see fit, sir." O'Brien looked positively delighted as he left Sisko's office. And he was. Julian had been pining for Dax since they first met. He was glad for his friend.

"Sisko to Dax"

"Dax here."

"Would you come in here for a moment?"

"I'll be right there."

*******

Julian was sitting in the Replimat with Garak, talking of nothing important and waiting. His patience was rewarded.

"There's been quite a bit of gossip about you lately, doctor."

"Really? I hadn't heard." Either Garak didn't hear the slight amusement in his voice or chose to ignore it.

"Quite. In fact, most of it revolves around you and Lt. Dax."

"Mmm." Julian murmured noncommittally, sipping his tea.

"Mm-hmm. And it always seems to center on the fact that the two of you had gone missing for two days. Of your own free will."

"Oh, that." Julian laughed as if he suddenly realized where all the confusion had set in. "Dax was told that if she showed her face in public for two days, she would be confined to the Infirmary for a week."

"And you?"

"I took two days off. I needed to catch up on some much needed sleep."

"I see. But, you have to admit, doctor, it's rather convenient timing."

"Oh, I see how the rumors started, but there's no truth to them. We both needed rest. That's all." As if he just remembered something, he stood up. "In fact, Garak, you just reminded me of something I need to take care of. I've decided the entire senior staff has been working too hard for their own good, and with what just recently happened, everyone needs a break."

"I couldn't agree with you more, doctor," Garak replied truthfully.

"I think I'll start with Odo and Kira. If any needs a break, it is definitely those two. I might just suggest a week on Bajor for them." Smiling at Garak's reaction, he walked off.

Garak sat there for a moment, looking rather shocked and then amused. "Whatever you say, doctor."

*******

"Dax, I've been thinking. How much leave do you have accumulated?"

Dax looked at him, startled. "About two months. Why?"

"Dax, you've been to hell and back several times this last week and, unlike the doctor, I don't think two days is enough time off. Take a month off."

"What? Benjamin, I'm fine. And besides, I doubt Julian was satisfied with only two days. He'd probably want me to take two months. But he knows that I'd never agree." The last statement held a bit of a warning in it.

"Old man, take a vacation. We'll be fine. I want my best science officer fully rested, though. Take a month of leave and get off the station. Effective immediately."

Dax smiled slightly. "Yes, sir." Her amusement shown on her face as she walked out of his office and headed out of Ops shaking her head. Time to pack.

Sisko stared at the closed door and then hit his commbadge. "Sisko to Bashir."

********

"Bashir to Dax."

"Go ahead, Julian."

"Can you come over here?"

"Where's here, Julian?" She smiled.

"My quarters."

"Be right there." Dax looked at her half packed duffel. Sisko told her that the Rubicon was at her disposal for her trip, so she was packing a little more than usual. She didn't know why. She just felt like it. She still wasn't sure where she'd spend her leave. Perhaps she'd visit Earth. She hadn't been there since her academy days. It would be nice to go and sightsee. She smiled and headed to Julian's quarters, wondering what he was doing there in the middle of his shift.

*******

Julian moved around his quarters throwing things into a duffel that rested on his bed. He heard the door chime and called out, "Come in." Dax entered and looked around. She spotted him standing by the doorway of the bedroom lofting something through the air into a duffel. "Julian? What's going on?"

"Oh, Captain Sisko ordered me to take a month of leave time." He frowned, completely missing the look of shocked amusement that crossed her face, and lofted another item into the bag. "Not that I wanted to go, but he has a point. Last time I took a vacation was...well, a while ago. But I don't want to go." He turned to face her. "Not now." He saw her shaking violently, tears streaking her face. "What? What's wrong?"

"Did he give you the Rubicon for you to use, too?" she managed to choke out, fighting her laughter.

"How did you...'too'?" Julian stared at her and realization hit him and he began to laugh, as did she.

"Oh, I don't believe he did that," she gasped after a moment. "He always was a romantic at heart, but really!"

Julian chuckled and walked over to her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Hmm. Looks like we're getting a vacation together." She smiled up at him and they kissed. After a long moment, she pulled away and gently brushed her fingertips across his cheek. "I still have to finish packing. It's 1630 now. What do you say we meet at the shuttlebay around 1700?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you then." They kissed again and she left to head back to her room.

*******

"Rubicon to Ops"

"Go ahead."

"See you in a month, Captain."

"Enjoy yourselves. Ops out."

Dax broke the comm link and looked at Julian. "So, where are we going?"

"Oh, I don't know. Somewhere where we can relax."

Dax smiled. "Setting course for Earth, warp 3." Julian looked up startled. "What?" she asked. "Is that okay?"

"It's fine. I'm just wondering what made you chose there."

"I haven't had the chance to visit it in a while."

"Oh."

"Putting runabout on autopilot," she announced and after she finished punching in the commands, she slipped onto his lap and kissed him passionately. He responded measure for measure and they soon found themselves heading towards the back of the runabout as quickly as they could while trying not to let go of the other.

*******

Several hours later, Dax was snuggled up close to him, listening to his soft breathing. 'I'm so glad he doesn't snore,' she thought with amusement. After a long moment, she gently untangled herself from him. As much as she wanted to stay here, she should check to see how things were up front.

Planting a gentle kiss on his lips, she walked out of the tiny bunk space to the front and checked the displays. Everything seemed in order. She was just checking to see how the engines were when a pair of arms encircled her waist. "I was wondering where you went," Julian murmured against her neck.

"Mmmm," she sighed leaning back against him. "Well, I had to check just to make sure. This thing can't fly itself you know." He was gently kissing her neck, working his way down the line of spots. Dax closed her eyes, briefly surrendering herself to the moment. She felt his lips gently pressing against her cool skin to where the spots disappeared beneath the robe she put on and start his way back up. "Julian," she murmured. "One of us should get some sleep while the other looks to things up here."

"Hmmm," he responded, gently kissing the corner of her jaw. He felt her shiver slightly and smiled. "I'll stay up here. You get some sleep."

"You sure? I don't mind staying." She turned around in his arms.

"Go," he said, gently kissing her. She pulled away after a short moment and headed to the cabins.

Julian sat himself down in a chair, glad he had taken the time to slip on some fatigues. He briefly checked over the systems, even though Dax just did. Satisfied with the readouts, he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, allowing his mind to drift.

*******

A week later, they stood in a park in London. Dax looked around, admiring the charm of the city, Julian looked around, noting familiar sights and buildings. They had only been on Earth for a couple of hours and Jadzia had insisted they start here. So, Julian spent the day showing her around the city. Jadzia, for her part had thoroughly enjoyed the day. They were checked into a charming bed and breakfast full of "old world charm". Or, at least that was the phrase Julian had used. She reached and took his hand, noticing the looks they got from passers by. They often smiled to themselves or turned to their companion and whispered and glanced back. Jadzia couldn't help but think that if she had been seen on Trillian holding hands with an unjoined' the reaction wouldn't be quite so...friendly.

And so their days passed. They visited some of the more popular' cities on Earth, including New Orleans to stop and see Joseph Sisko, Ben's father, and enjoy one of the best meals either of them had eaten. Joe sent a communique to his son later that night saying that that newlywed couple from the station' had stopped in that night. Needless to say, Sisko was quite confused and surprised to hear this.

*******

On their last day, they visited Paris. Dax was in awe. She had never seen such a beautiful city. It was spring on Earth, and Julian had said that there is "nothing like Paris in the springtime" so she agreed to wait until their last day. She was glad she did. They spent the day wandering around, ate lunch at an outdoor cafe and had dinner at one of the most elegant restauraunts in the city.

After dinner, the walked along the Siene hand in hand, passing quite a few people who had a similar idea. It was a beautiful night and there was just enough of a breeze for Jadzia to snuggle closer to him without needing much of an excuse. After a while, they found themselves on the Avenue de New York standing across from the Eiffel Tower. Jadzia gazed across the river, which was lit up with the lights from the Tower. She had never felt so relaxed or at peace. She looked up at Julian and caught his eye. They both smiled and he bent and gently kissed her. She slid her arms around him, gently running her fingers through his short dark hair. After a long moment, he pulled back and took her hands in his and just gazed at her. His eyes reflected the light from the Eiffel Tower. She smiled at him. "What is it?" she asked.

He smiled and just shook his head. "I was just thinking I had to be the luckiest man in the universe."

Dax smiled and shook her head. "Julian," her voice was slightly teasing but more filled with affection. "That has to be one of the oldest lines in the book."

"Hmmm. Not quite. I think there's one that's older."

"Oh? What's that?"

He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled something out. He held up the small ring and Jadzia gasped. "Will you marry me?"

Dax froze and just stared at the ring. She didn't know what to think. It was beautiful. The band looked to be made of gold, not platinum like most rings, and had a medium sized diamond in it, surrounded by smaller chips. It practically lit the street by itself with how it sparkled. She looked up into his dark eyes and felt her heart stop. They were still asking the question he had uttered mere seconds ago. After what seemed like an eternity she swallowed and whispered, "I don't know what to say."

Julian smiled slightly. 'The oldest response in the book,' "A yes or no would do."

"Yes," she gasped, finally collecting her thoughts enough to answer. "Yes, absolutely!" The look that came into her eyes made tears of joy come to her own. He gently slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her tenderly. She didn't want it to end. She pressed against him, slowly running her hands down his back. After several minutes, she pulled away long enough to murmur, "Let's go back to the hotel." He nodded and they began to walk off, although it took them twice as long to get back.

*******

"Rubicon to Deep Space Nine. Request permission to dock."

"Permission granted, Rubicon. Welcome home."

"Thank you, Major."

Jadzia expertly piloted the runabout to the docking ring and set it down on the platform. She turned to Julian and smiled. "So...after completely denying the rumors the day we left, how are we going to explain this?" She held up her left hand. She planned to wear the ring on a chain while on duty, but, well, she wasn't on duty. She still had the rest of the day off. So did he, for that matter. She picked up his duffel and handed it to him and grabbed hers.

Julian just smiled. "Let them figure it out," he chuckled. "Besides, I don't think they believed us."

"No, they didn't, did they?" she laughed as they walked out.

Much to their surprise, the entire senior staff was waiting for them when they stepped out. Kira was grinning from ear to ear, as was O'Brien. Odo was smiling too, although in a much more reserved way than Kira or Miles. Eddington just stood there, smiling slightly and nodded when the couple's cumulative gaze swept over him. Their gaze landed on Captain Sisko who simply held out a PADD. Dax looked at him curiously and took it an read it and just gasped. Julian had been reading it over her shoulder and looked just as shocked. It was a copy of the letter Joseph Sisko had sent to his son with one small addition. One word: "Congratulations." Dax just gaped at the letter for a moment and then turned to Julian. The corners of his mouth were twitching with withheld laughter. He smiled at her and said, "Do you want to tell them or should I?"

"What's to tell?!?" Kira exclaimed, rushing up to the couple. She hugged Dax first and then Julian, who looked like he might break into laughter in the Major's face. Dax lost it first and began to giggle. Sisko frowned slightly as his CMO began to laugh. The major looked a little perplexed but kept quiet.

"What's so funny?" Miles asked. He didn't understand their behavior any more than the rest of them.

"We...we're not married," Dax managed to say, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Julian was shaking his head, doing the same. She smiled, honestly touched that they had done this. Kira looked shocked and everyone else looked a bit crestfallen. She grinned and glanced at Julian, who simply nodded. "Well, not yet, anyways." A complete silence fell over the bay followed almost instantaneously by well wishes and "I told you so Major"s. Jadzia and Julian accepted handshakes and hugs from everyone. Kira had taken a hold of her hand and was gawking at the ring while Jadzia talked to her and Captain Sisko. Julian was shaking Miles's hand and grinning like a fool. Dax shook her head and said, "I can't believe you actually thought we'd get married without all you there." Sisko just smiled and shook his head. "My father is usually pretty dead on about things like that. I'm not sure I want to tell him he's wrong." Jadzia smiled. "So don't."

The festivities eventually moved to Quark's, where they toasted the couple and celebrated. Some time during the evening, Julian managed to snag Jadzia away for a few minutes to be alone. They just sat and talked quietly in a corner of Quark's, her hands firmly intertwined with his. Quark noticed this and managed to get a picture of the couple he was sure they'd want to buy. It then crossed his mind to give it to them as a wedding gift. It was inexpensive (free) and they'd actually like it. 'Getting sentimental in your old age, Quark,' he thought. None the less, he was pleased with himself. He walked back to the bar and began to serve more drinks.

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