In Which we Discuss Catholic Mysticism (or Why I still attend Mass)

Someone once asked myself and a friend why we still go to Church. I was born, baptized, raised and confirmed Catholic and my friend converted to Catholicism from non-denominational lapsed Christian. My friend's answer was that it was the concept of coming together as a community to worship, that it was one of few communal rituals in the church. My answer was "Well, I haven't been in a while..." which was true but I was just really hedging because I wasn't certain if I could answer it quite as coherently as my friend had. I'm still not sure I can but I'm going to give it a shot here.

So, why do I still attend mass? Well, it's not because of Catholic Lemming Syndrome (CLS) because then I WOULD go every Sunday like a diligent little Catholic, mutter my way through the "Amen"s and "Thanks be to God"s and go my merry way an hour later. I tried that for years and found it as utterly distasteful then as I do now. So, here's my story, compounded by several conclusions that I've discovered/reached. This will not be a short blog and I'm certain it will raise a bit of controversy by those who read it but I'll state now that it is a well-educated treatise. A bibliography of books I've read on the subject will be provided at the end for the curious. :)

I attended a Catholic high school and it's my firm belief that they did their best to destroy Catholicism, albeit inadvertently. They were so busy trying to *prove* everything through science, to rationalize it all for those who are ensconced in a world where such qualities are admirable, that they rationalized the mystical aspect of Catholicism away, leaving us with a framework of now meaningless rituals and beliefs. Oh, we knew *why* such things were believed but they were old, antiquated or illogical and could expound for hours on why. Unfortunately, this was cloaked in the framework of a Catholic education so many of us believed this is what the Church taught, or would teach once we had a modern pope. When people began to realize they wanted something more out of their beliefs, they had been taught to think that no such thing existed in Catholicism. They, therefore, looked elsewhere for the spiritual aspect they craved. Many found it in the neo-pagan movement or in eastern religions. These religions so emphasized the individual and self-empowerment that many former Catholics could easily either adapt these teachings into their current lifestyle or drop Catholicism all together in favor of this newly discovered belief system. The modern Catholic writers, in an attempt to stave off the mass flight of the faithful, have made the mistake of trying to make Catholicism a feel-good, down to earth religion, the "Chicken Soup" variety of Catholic spirituality, with all the imagery that goes with it (angels as cherubic infants or beautiful winged women, the WWJD bracelets, etc.), totally ignoring the rich history and teachings already available to them.

Now, I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I'm well aware that Catholicism isn't everyone's cuppa tea. I'm simply explaining what I've seen happen in my life. I was one of the masses of Catholics who, once they hit college tried to maintain my faith life. I first ran into the Charasmatic movement, the Chicken Soup variety, which thoroughly disturbed me and my strict German sensibilites. However, I could not find another alternative, and went "What's the point?"and stopped going to mass. Then something interesting happened. I was introduced to my friend's roommates, both of whom were wiccan (or "recovering" Catholics). And, in the face of engaging in religious debate with them (a favorite past time in that household), I started reading up on paganism and wicca. I had zero intention of converting but I wanted to at least be knowledgeable as to what their point of view was. So I started reading and asking them questions: Why did you convert? What was it about wicca that drew you? etc. And their answers are summed up in the above paragraph.

Then I transferred back to Marquette and realized I had to take three more semesters of theology, including Theo001. I was rather upset about this so I took the section that I knew would be the easiest A ever: The Catechism of the Catholic Church. I figured it would be a repeat of my high school classes, analyzing and ripping apart the little things. I was partially right. Our only textbook was the actual Catechism and we literally read that thing from front to back. Now, if you ever want to fall asleep fast, I highly recommend this book. It wasn't anything I hadn't learned before. But it brought forward question in my mind: How could Catholicism have survived all these years if it left the faithful wanting a spiritual life. It didn't make sense. So the next class I took was a comparative theology class called Quests for God: Paths and Revelations. The class was taught by Fr. William Kelly, S.J., a now-retired Jesuit priest who doubled as chaplain for the men's basketball team and all-around nice guy. Anyway, the class was obviously taught from a Christian perspective so it was here that I first discovered a uniquely Catholic spiritual life, along with being exposed to many different religions and studying in detail what made them fundamentally different. It was also around this same time that I had started reading the Deryni books by Katherine Kurtz. And, while they're firmly grounded in the realm of fantasy, they're also firmly grounded in the Middle Ages, which means many, many detailed description of Christian ceremonies. Both of these piqued my curiosity further and I started reading other books on comparative theology and church history, specifically in regards to church ceremonies (i.e. the divine office). And, because of my readings, a lot of things began to make sense again. Not only that, but I found a new value in the mass and the ritual behind it. Everything I had learned about Catholicism and, especially, other religions made the mass that much more special. You'll often hear pagans claiming they have the exact same ritual that the church does and that, in fact, the church stole it from pagan practices. This is partly true. The mass grew out of the Greek concept of agape, a common meal shared by members of the community. But the rituals are not identical and, as far as I've been able to tell through research, the neo-pagan movement readopted their current ritual structure from Christianity because it has the only *reliable* written record of times dating back to ancient Christian times. All this research and new-found appreciation prompted me to take a class that, to my knowledge, met with some trepidation when it was announced to be offered: a class solely devoted to Christian prayer and mysticism. The class was taught by Fr. Ray Gawronski, S.J., a wonderfully mellow and highly educated Jesuit (is there any other kind?) who has a passion for dogmatic theology and the mystical. He is also well educated in various other religions, including Buddhism. This class uncovered everything my previous education had not: that the Church truly does have a deep, rich mystical tradition that is all but ignored by modern-day Catholics in their quest for "truth" and fact; that it is as individualized and spiritually uplifting as any pagan practice out there. Perhaps more so because it has been so thoroughly documented by church theologians, mystics and historians.

The ritual of the Eucharist itself is virtually unchanged since the 6th century. Yes, Vatican II did remove some of the mystery of the mass (i.e. mass no longer being recited in the ritual language (Latin) and the change in the role of the priest from one offering a sacrifice on behalf of the faithful to a more ministerial role (the turning of the alter to face the congregation)) but, overall, the mass is one of the oldest and most sacred rituals in existence. That lends some credence to it. And, when one knows what each little gesture and word means, it brings with it an appreciation of the act and a sense of sanctity that most Catholics lose as little children: the appreciative, awe-full (hi Fr. Kelly!) wonder at it all, the knowing and unknowing. And that's why I still attend mass.

I welcome any and all comments (whether you agree or disagree) to cdhenke@northco.net. Flames will be deleted without response, btw, so if you can't form a well-thought out email to illustrate your disagreement, save your breath and both our time.

Brief Bibliography

Prayer by Hans Urs von Balthasar
The Story of a Soul: The Autobiography of Therese of Lisieux
The Divine Milieux by St. Ignatius Loyola
The Roots of Christian Mysticism
The Cloud of Unknowing
Wicca: a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham
Living Wicca: a Further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham
The Witches Voice

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